it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
