What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
