I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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