I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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