I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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