He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
