He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need to calm my uterus...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
