I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
