he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Girls should come with a carfax report
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
