i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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