Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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