You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
