I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
