i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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