he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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