well I can't set my house on fire every night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
