Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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