apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize