you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
