hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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