Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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