I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
two words: eviction party
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
