omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
