Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
