There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
