Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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