Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
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