my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize