I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
