My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
