Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
