Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
