Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
