oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need to calm my uterus...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
