I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
