google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
