You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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