so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
