If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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