Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize