hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
