Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
