well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
