Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
