question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
