Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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