i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
