Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
