I accidentally had phone sex last night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize