there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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