Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
