So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
