he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
