i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
