I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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