I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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