A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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