and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
