i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize