rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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