SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My balls are so social today.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
