I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize