It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
