OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
