Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
