He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
