It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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