when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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