yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
