Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
