I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My vagina is very pro this idea
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
