I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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