i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
