Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
