he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
