Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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