How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My balls are so social today.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
