dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize